Argentinian Football Team Apologises

Transcript of Ms Eva Moron's message of apology

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen. My name is Eva Moron, and I am the PR Manager of the Argentina team.

I would like apologise to the people of Argentina for our team’s disgraceful behaviour during the World Cup, and I accept that players and team staff do not deserve any sympathy from their compatriots.

I admit that our players used dirty tactics to try and frustrate all their opponents. This cost us the World Cup, as Enzo Fernandez got a deserved red card for foul play against Spain.

The Argentinian philosophy was, 'If you want to make a Spanish omelette, you have to break eggs'.

Sorry, I apologise for that remark, you might have thought I said 'legs'.

I have to concede that Argentina's style of play against Spain was very messy.

Sorry, I apologise for remark, I didn't mean to single out the striker Lionel Messi.

I would like to emphasise that he wasn't the only one, and in fact the whole team's tactics were a dog's breakfast.

In the final, Argentina played like Scotland in disguise.

Sorry, I apologise for that remark, I didn't mean to offend the Scottish team.

It is sad they didn't make the second round, but everyone loves their fans, and the team lose with dignity.

Unfortunately, I have to say this was in stark contrast to the Argentinian players, who started brawls with the Spanish players at the end of the final game.

I admit that the team were also really stupid at the end of the England game, when they held up a banner claiming that the Falkland Islands belong to Argentina.

Displaying such a message about a political conflict is obviously offensive, and I expect the Argentinian Football Federation to be punished by the Political Correctness Police.

Sorry, I apologise for that remark, I didn't mean to offend the people at FIFA.

I realise that this action by our players also glorified a war that was started by the brutal Argentinian military dictator General Videla, and hundreds of my countrymen died in it.

I recognise that the Falkland Islands are populated by British citizens who unanimously reject a takeover by Argentina.

So, I have to accept that the Argentinian team shot itself in the foot with its dreadful behaviour at the tournament.

Sorry, I apologise for that remark, I didn't mean to offend our soldiers who fought in the war.

I realise that the English team are going home happily with a bronze medal after winning an exciting game of football, whereas our team are going home miserably with their silver medals, having spent our own last game just fouling the Spanish players and losing.

I understand that many football fans around the world would describe this using the English phrase 'Poetic Justice'.

I apologise for my having put foot in mouth so many times during this press conference.

Sorry, I apologise for that remark, I didn't mean to offend the Argentinian cattle farmers affected by the recent outbreaks of Foot-and-Mouth disease.

I would like to conclude my statement on behalf of the Argentina team with a personal message.

Don’t cry for us Argentina
The truth is we’re cheating scoundrels
Our man Fernández, he got a red card
And so we lost the World Cup Final

Don’t cry for us Argentina
The truth is, we’re total morons
General Videla was a dictator
And in the Falklands live British people

Don’t cry for us Argentina
The truth is we’re Argie scumbags
And he who laughs last, laughs the loudest
The English call it poetic justice"

Home